austinklee

I need to tell you something: Sometimes, I feel like being me isn’t enough.

There, I said it. Now, on with the blog.

Do you remember the old Charlie Brown cartoons? I am sure we all saw the specials that would come on TV surrounding various holidays. One scene sticks out in my mind more than any other: Charlie Brown trying to kick the football as Lucy held it. Invariably as Charlie Brown would try as hard as he could to kick the football, Lucy would pull it away. Charlie Brown would then fall flat on his back as Lucy laughed. (We laugh, too!) Charlie Brown kept trying harder, and harder, and harder, each time getting mad and vowing never to try again. But he always did. For me, however, this scene is painful to watch.

When I was in high school I was a part of a youth group in my home church. As is the norm in high school the group had various “sub-groups” including the “cool” kids. As the preacher’s kid I desperately wanted to be a part of that group. These kids would dangle their acceptance of me and I would try to grab it and they would pull it away. This was repeated many, many times over my high school career. Each time I would try harder and fall even harder. Vowing to never try again, but always coming back for more. I thought that I wasn’t good enough unless THEY told me I was good enough.

I began to develop a horrible pattern in my life. I began to buy into the myth that the way God made me wasn’t enough to earn friends. I had to be better and do more and know more. I had to be funnier, happier, and more important than I saw myself.

When I feel as if I am not accepted the way I am, or when I feel like I am not good enough I try too hard to prove that I am good enough. I know this about myself and yet I sometimes feel powerless to stop it.

Admitting this to myself is difficult enough, typing for public consumption is excruciating. Its embarassing to be 27 years old and feel inadequate.

In the Bible there are countless stories about people that have major issues in their lives. As a matter of fact EVERY story in the Bible that isn’t about Jesus is about someone being used by God despite their own faults and flaws.

Think about some of the greatest Biblical “heroes”: David, Paul, Jacob, Moses, Amos, Matthew, Thomas, Peter, Elijah, Isaac. Each had issues and God loved them anyway. Just as he loves you and me.

You know, I think we all have something like this in our lives. There is something about us, something we wish we could get a handle on in our own lives. We struggle with different things: alcohol, drugs, acceptance, self-esteem, worrying, shyness, pride, anger, working too much, over-eating, eating disorders, depression, self-loathing, laziness, avoiding responsibility, and the list goes on.

Some items on this list are very visible and others are easily hidden. Until we are ready to admit that we have a problem; we cannot get the help we so desperately need.

I am not sure that I will ever be 100% “cured” of my need for people to think I am cool. I do, however, think that with the help of my friends and family that I will be able to recognize when I begin to feel this way. Instead of trying to prove myself in those times I will be able to take control over my misguided emotions and remember that the God of the Universe loves me: “Just As I Am”.

Just As I Am – Charlotte Elliot

Just as I am, without one plea,
But that Thy blood was shed for me,
And that Thou bidst me come to Thee,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, and waiting not
To rid my soul of one dark blot,
To Thee whose blood can cleanse each spot,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, though tossed about
With many a conflict, many a doubt,
Fightings and fears within, without,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind;
Sight, riches, healing of the mind,
Yea, all I need in Thee to find,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, Thou wilt receive,
Wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve;
Because Thy promise I believe,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, Thy love unknown
Hath broken every barrier down;
Now, to be Thine, yea, Thine alone,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, of that free love
The breadth, length, depth, and height to prove,
Here for a season, then above,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come!

I really love taking personality tests. I think it is fascinating that someone that has never met me has designed a test that makes assumptions about me based on how I answer questions. I am not talking about tests that are found in girly magazines. (Why is it that only magazines directed toward women have these little quizzes?) With titles such as, “Is he Cheating?”, “Do you Secretly Hate your Best Friend?”, or “What does your Purse Say about You?”, I don’t place much faith in a 10 question filler quiz.

I am talking about tests such as Myers Briggs Type Indicator (“MBTI”) or the Motivational Appraisal of Personal Potential (“MAPP”). MBTI is essentially a test designed to assign a person to a specific type in order to more fully explain how a person might react to different situation and to assert what that person may prefer. The MAPP attempts to explore what motivates a person to perform.

In the MBTI, I am known as an ENTP: Extroverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Perceiving. Here is what this says about me: “ENTP’s are innovative, strategic, versatile, analytical, and entrepreneurial. They enjoy working with others in start-up activities that require ingenuity and unusual resourcefulness.” ENTP contributions: “view limitations as challenges to be overcome, provide new ways to do things, bring a conceptual framework to problems, take initiative and spur others on, and enjoy complex challenges that address future needs.” That is a short snapshot of the write up about some of the facets of who I am.

There are also some “pitfalls” for my personality type. Those of you who know me well can vouch for these I am sure. ENTP’s: “may become lost in the model, forgetting about current realities and details, may be competitive and unappreciative of the input of others, may overextend themselves and reach burnout, or may resist standard procedures and processes.” OUCH!

Now, I let you all in on that little secret because when I read the pages on my personality type my mouth dropped open. It was like someone reached into my brain and pulled all the stuff out and wrote it down. It was like reading a news article about yourself!

I have to admit I wanted to resist the pitfalls. I wanted to say, “They were way off base on those!” In reality however I feel like the pitfalls were more accurate than the “good stuff”. It was like getting slapped in the face. I am sure I have more pitfalls than just those, but it was enough. I could really see myself in each of them.

Sometimes when the mirror of who you are is held to your face it really shocks you. I wanted to look away but for some reason I chose to keep looking. I took a LONG look and didn’t like what I saw. The one that stung the most was to realize that I have a tendency to be unappreciative of other’s input. Man, that is me left, right, and twice on Sunday.

Its not that I am not appreciative, because in my head and in my heart I really do appreciate other people’s input. I just for whatever reason have a hard time communicating that to those that reach out.

It kind of got me thinking the other day. How many friendships have I lost or potential friendships? How many of the girls I have dated have I pushed away for not appreciating the things that they have done for me? How many times have my parents wrung their hands or wondered if I was even thankful for what they have done for me? What a sobering revelation!

And then the other shoe dropped. I thought about my relationship with Christ. The one person that has done more for me than anyone and I can’t even be appreciative to Him! That was a crushing blow to me. I have been a Christian for almost 20 years now and I am not as appreciative as I should be toward Christ.

Its not that I am not thankful, in fact I have even prayed a prayer of thanksgiving for what he did for me. However, it isn’t a regular part of my prayer life. I usually pray for what I want and don’t even bother a thanks for the other things He has given when I have asked. I was beginning to think I was a horrible person and even less of a Christian.

Then I remembered my favourite part of Christ: He meets us where we are. It has been chronicled in many songs and sermons. The Bible is full of stories about broken people who have treated people with contempt, who have cheated people out of money, who have committed adultery and still Jesus meets them where they are. He meets Billy Graham where he is just the same as he meets an atheist where he/she may be. I realized through this MBTI that Jesus was doing this for me. I am not sure that my company paid for the MBTI so that I might grow in my relationship with Christ, but I am sure glad they did.

So, what are the pitfalls in your life? What in your life prevents you from meeting people wherever they are? I want to challenge you to make a conscious effort to ask your friends and family these questions. The next blog will extend this discussion so hang on to your answers until next time.

I have to admit and most of you already know this, but I am not a gym rat. I have a membership at a local gym here in Atlanta and most of the time I end up not going as often as I should. Here lately however, the roommates (David and Andy) and I have decided that we want to get into better shape. We are all members of different gyms in the city. I don’t think that either of them is too worried about what to do when they go to they gym because they both played college football and are very experienced in the gym. I, on the other hand, don’t really have a clue when it comes to working out.

Now, I know how to run on a treadmill, use the machines, and do push-ups or crunches but I don’t know the first thing about how to string all of them together to form a workout that will help me get into shape. So I began reading about working out. I am not sure why I didn’t just ask David and Andy to help me develop a plan. I could have even called my college friend Bryan who is a personal trainer, but I decided to read up on it instead.

I have been flipping through magazines like Men’s Heath or Men’s Journal to get the latest tips on what I need to do to slim down and tone up. Each different magazine I read and each show I watch about exercise on TV all seems to get back to one topic: The Core. I had never really heard that there was such a thing as a core.

Apparently the secret to working out is to strengthen your core muscles. Who knew?!? As far as I can tell these are the muscles in the center of your body that provide the “foundation” of your balance and strength. If I work out these muscles and develop them using these techniques then I should literally watch the pounds fall off my body replaced by lean, tone muscle.

So I took my magazine to the gym last Friday while I was on vacation. I went around 10:30 in the morning because I didn’t want to go with the Gym Rat crown while carrying my magazine with the workout plan.

So there we were: me and some ladies around my mother’s age all in the gym together. They were reading magazines while they walked on their treadmills or used the elliptical machine. I pulled out my headphones and iPod and opened my magazine up to the workout plan that was guaranteed to make my body look like a Greek statue.

As I looked at the exercises I thought to myself, “This is going to be easy!” I saw lots of variations on push-ups, a lot of the exercises involved laying on the floor (OH YEAH!!) and some of them incorporated the use of an exercize ball. To me it looked like a piece of cake!

The first exercise was to grab some light weights (I chose 8 lb. dumbbells) and grip them in your fists. Then you were to get into the “up” push-up position and raise one arm at a time straight out to your side. I did one on each side before I fell over onto the floor. This was not going to be as easy as I thought.

I then decided that since I was on the floor I would do some of the laying down exercises. I was to lay down on my back with my feet on top of an exercize ball and then raise my hips into the air completely lifting my rear-end off the ground and letting my shoulders, abs, and hips do the work. I began to think that working on my core was going to be hard work as soon as the ball began to roll around when I pushed my hips into the air. I looked like a complete idiot as every muscle in my body tensed as I was trying to keep the ball from rolling away.

I began to think as I gave up and went home that the core muscles of our physical body are very similar to the core muscles of our spiritual body. We go to church, read a book, or attend a retreat and learn about exercises that will strengthen our spiritual core.

These exercises sound easy enough: read your bible, pray on a regular basis, seek Godly counsel, work with an accountability partner, and the list goes on. So we rush home with our pamphlets or notes and after a couple attempts at different exercises we realize that it’s a lot harder than we thought. Even the one’s we can do lying down!

In Matthew chapter 7 Jesus gives a little insight into the difficulty of maintaining our core muscles. He says, “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”

When I got to the gym on Friday I should have known better. There is no easy way to lose weight and get toned. In order to do it I have to be willing to take the narrow road of working hard at the core exercises to achieve the results that I want. At the end of the day these exercises will enable me to be healthier and I will have a good foundation to branch out into other types of exercize.

And so it is with your spiritual core. The exercises are tough and it will be easy to say, “I just don’t see why it should be so hard.” In the end all the hard work will pay off.

You see, your spiritual core is the very heart of who you are! We can all look around us and recognize people who hit the gym on a regular basis. People will be able to recognize you as a person who has a well developed spiritual core. They will come to you with their questions about prayer and accountability. Your relationship with Christ will grow and your relationships with others will flourish as well.

Now when you see your friends in the gym, ask them how their “other” core workouts are going.

You know how when you go to a good southern home the hosts will throw open the door and great you with a big hug and a smile that stretches from Georgia to North Carolina? They always follow that with a big hearty, “Welcome, we are so glad you are here!”

I had a similar experience with God earlier this year:

I used to park in the same parking spot everyday in the parking lot across the street from my office. Space number 19. It backs up to a concrete pad that has a fence containing public utility monitoring equipment. The pad juts out just enough that a person can lay down there. Everyday on my way into work I would pull into my spot and there was a homeless man sleeping there right at the back of my spot on this ledge. This went on for 3 or 4 months.

In the middle of January on a cold Friday night this homeless person approached me and asked if I might walk with him down the hill to the Checker’s Fast Food Restaurant and buy him some dinner. I don’t normally give the homeless of Atlanta money for various reasons but his request was for food not for money so I was a bit intrigued. I did not have any cash on me and I was a little wary of whipping out my credit card in front of a homeless person. I was not passing judgement, but trying to be careful.

I told him that I was sorry I didn’t have any money on me and got in my Expedition to drive away when I realized that my Grandparents had given me a $5 McDonald’s Gift Certificate for Christmas. To put this in perspective, my Grandparents have given me a $5 McDonald’s Gift Certificate for Christmas 25 years in a row. It has become my favorite Christmas present every year. They have given me Guitars, Clothes, computers, TV’s, Microwaves, and a whole host of much more expensive gifts in my life, but it wouldn’t be Christmas without my Grandfather trying to figure out a new way to disguise the Gift Certificate.

I stopped the car reached in my pocket and said, “Hey, I just remembered that I have this gift certificate to McDonald’s. Do you think you could use it? It’s only five bucks.” I can’t remember for sure but I am almost certain that his eyes welled up with tears as I passed him the gift certificate. He introduced himself as Rick and I got out of the car and shook his hand and said, “My name is Austin.” As I got in my car to drive home I realized that I had just given away my favorite Christmas present and I couldn’t think of a better way to spend it than that. Knowing my Grandparents the way I do, I know that they would have been so proud for me to give away my present to a complete stranger who needed it more than I did. I thought that the story might end there, but it didn’t.

On Tuesday of the next week I had a concert to attend and my roommate David and I walked from my office to the concert and then back after the show. On the way home I was walking and looking at the ground and saw a $10 bill lying there. So I picked it up and put it in my pocket. When I got to the parking lot where my car was parked, Rick called out from the Shadows:

Rick: “Austin, they was here!”
Me: “Who was here?”
Rick: “The people that break into the cars in these parking lots!”
Me: “Where are they now?”
Rick: “I chased them off and I decided to wait here to make sure your car was okay.”
Me: “Thanks, Rick!”

I talked a few minutes more with Rick and I gave him the $10 in my pocket that I had found on the street and he gave me a big hug. This was an experience I will not forget. Here was a 50 year old homeless man standing in a parking lot with a 25 year-old kid with a Masters Degree in Accounting and a job at the largest accounting firm in the world….HUGGING!

I realized at that moment that I was ministering to the least of these. The story continues three days later I saw Rick in the Parking lot after work. I had heard reports that the weather was going to get really cold the next week and I asked Rick if he could use a sleeping bag. He said, “Man that would be great!” I told him that I would bring him a sleeping bag on Monday.

I went home and decided to go to Target and buy him a cheap sleeping bag, but quickly realized that if it got really cold a little Target sleeping bag wasn’t going to work. On Monday I went to work and after work I pulled out my sleeping bag from my car and gave it to him and he was so appreciative. I brought the sleeping bag that I gave Rick while I was in college in North Carolina. This is a NICE sleeping bag….holds up in temperatures as low as 20 degrees. This is the sleeping bag that got me through NC State Basketball Camp-Out.

Later that week Rick came running up after work and told me that he had used the $10 I gave him to go to the doctor’s office where he got his paperwork that declared him disabled and unable to work. This is why he was homeless. He then was able to take his paperwork down to an organization downtown that set him up with a place to live and gave him money to buy sheets and pillows and the other necessities of life.

I haven’t seen Rick since that day. I don’t know if he is still in the group home or not. I assume he is because I haven’t heard from him. I am sure he knows where he can come if he finds himself without a home again.

This was the moment that God threw open the door and said, “Welcome to the world, Austin, I am so glad you are here!” Until that point I had been on mission trips and I had seen hurting people, but I had never let myself become involved. I helped with a detached heart. With Rick, however, I threw my whole self into helping him. I was a cheerful giver. For the first time in my life I realized the world is a lot bigger than me.

How does this apply to your life, you may be asking. Well, that is where ChooseaNeed comes in to play. I am on the board of directors for this non-profit organization. I hope that you will go by the website (www.chooseaneed.org) and take a look at what we are doing. If you can’t choose one of the needs you see on our site, then please, choose a need somewhere.

I travel a great deal for work and people always ask me if I enjoy all the traveling. I say yes and its mostly because of the really neat places I get to see as an off shoot of my job. Right now I am sitting in the Airport in Miami, FL waiting for the boarding call that will eventually lead to my return flight to Atlanta. I have been here since 10AM and my flight leaves at 12:40.

For what ever reason I decided not to go with my normal routine of iPod music to drown out the other people in the waiting area, I am not sure why. About the same time I arrived at the gate a family arrived straight from a cruise. They are tan and in beach attire. They have also been complaining about everything that happened on their vacation. I don’t mean they had a really bad experience, I mean they have literally complained about the karaoke DJ not being good enough, the noises around the airport, the security at customs, and each other. They even attended meetings on board the ship for people dissatisfied with the cruise. They have also talked trash about almost everyone they know back at home. They have complained about the price of the food and drinks at the airport.

I just want to walk over and say, “SHUT UP!” You have just spent thousands of dollars on a vacation and it sounds like you should have just stayed home. Currently they are complaining that it was too hot in the Caribbean this week.

I guess you just can’t please some people. How do people get so negative? How do people go on a very expensive vacation for a week and not have anything good to say about the time they spent together. It is amazing to me how some people can go through life and never see anything good.

Apparently from their not so loud conversation, between F-Bombs and GD’s, I learned that they go on a cruise every year together. Now they have shifted to complaining about how the driver drove too slow on the way to the elevator, and the porter didn’t get their bags quick enough. Just a few minutes ago when they apparently ran out of things to complain about for this year’s trip, they started to complain about things from last year’s trip.

I don’t get it! I know that sometimes things are bad and you have a need to complain, but from the tone of this conversation, this is how they are all the time. Maybe it works for them. Maybe if I asked them if they had a good time this week they would say, “Yeah, it was great fun, we had a BLAST!” I would hate to have to ask the next question, “Then why have you all sat here for the last 2 hours and complained about everything under the sun that had to do with the cruise?”

You know, in my experience some people are just more negative than others. Some people would say that these people are missing Jesus in their lives and they may very well be right. I think it is deeper than that. “How on earth,” you may ask, “can it be deeper than that?”

I am glad you asked. Growing up as a ministers son I have learned that some of the most sour people I have ever come across claim to be Christians. They attend church and Sunday school. Their kids are in youth group and young life. But they have no outward appearance of Christ in their lives. Their mood is always negative they never seem to have fun. They are the people that try to block any attempt for the church to change something so that others might come to know Christ in a real way.

The interesting thing is that sourness is contagious. Everyone has heard the adage, “One rotten apple spoils the barrel.” So it is in life. When we have a bad attitude it will hamper everyone’s ability to have a good time. The challenge is this: Check your attitude often during the day. Are you letting Christ show in your daily life?

This will be a long flight…Now they are complaining about not winning some sort of lottery…I love traveling!

Here it is plain and simple:

Everyone has, at one point, had a tough time with dating and/or finding the right one. You might be asking yourself, “Why on earth would I take relationship advice from someone that is single?” Well, you don’t have to take my advice, you just have to read it.

I decided about 3 years ago to start a quest to find out how to get married. Not like I was desperate, but I wanted to know…How do you KNOW that someone is the “right” one? Everyone seems to say that you “just know” when the right one has come along. That may work for some people, but I don’t buy it. So I pulled together some thoughts from the last 3 years of watching, practicing, and wondering.

Make a list. I know it sounds silly, but sit down and write down all the things you want in a mate. I am serious. DO IT! Write down how you want them to treat you. Write about how you want home life to be when you are married. Do you want to have the same kind of family that you grew up in or would you rather forget your childhood and you want to change it completely? Write down how you want your mate to celebrate birthdays, Christmas, and good news. Write down how your mate will handle disappointment and anger. Write down where you want to go on vacation. Write down your spiritual goals for your marriage. Maybe you want to spend time together in bible study with other couples, maybe you want to pray together everyday, maybe you want to be really involved in your church. Write down how many kids you want to have. Public, Private, or Home school? Write down thoughts on who takes out the garbage, who does the laundry. Maybe you want to live in a certain area of the country for the rest of your life.
The main thing is to write it all down…all of your hopes and dreams for a lifetime.

Then take that list and rank things in order of importance. Decide which things you cannot possibly budge on. If it doesn’t really matter who takes out the trash…then rank it very low. The low ranked things are things that aren’t really all that important to your happiness…if they fall the right way then GREAT, but if not that’s okay too. The high ranked things are the things that you cling to with all you are. They are the things you could never live without.

This list becomes the type of person you will want to date. Compare all relationships to this list. If you want to have a successful relationship the important things on your list will also be the important things on his/her list as well. They will line up, you will have a unified goal and you will be more happy that you ever imagined.

This does not mean that everyday will be great. Even the best of relationships have anger and sadness. A good relationship NEVER leaves you wondering, “Does he/she really love me?”

The greatest example of this was Jesus. In all of the New Testament I cannot recall a time when anyone questioned Jesus love for humanity. They questioned what he was doing and they questioned why he was doing it, but no matter what they NEVER questioned his love. In the same way we are called in I Corinthians 13 to live a life of real love.

You want to have a successful relationship? Of course, we all do. The best analogy I can come up with is this: You wouldn’t go jumping into the deep end of a swimming pool without knowing how to swim, and you shouldn’t go jumping in the deep end of a dating relationship without knowing what you want.

Here’s the truth as told to me by my father: “Life is not fair.” I am sure that many of us have had a similar conversation with our parents in our lifetime. Something happened that was completely unjust, wrong, or unfair, and all our parents said to comfort us was, “Life is not fair.”

In all honesty we knew of the unfairness of life long before it was spelled out for us. We had experineced rejection, cheating, lying, and manipulation as we went through elementary school. There is something about growing up, however, that makes you believe that one day everything will be fair. Maybe one day all will be right with the world. And still when things go wrong you stomp your feet and tears well up in your eyes as you proclaim, “But, that’s not fair!”

I think that many times we can boil that comment down to its root and find that fairness is not really the issue. Many times we are simply confused. We don’t understand why things aren’t happening the way they are supposed to happen. Things just aren’t making sense. In our world of 2+2 everything adds up, everything has order and sense. When things happen that don’t fit that mold we cry out, “That’s not fair! It wasn’t supposed to be that way!”

Maybe it is a boyfriend that cheats, a child that is rebellious, or an employer that hands out the pink slip, it just doesn’t make sense. Why would someone that tries to do the right thing and tries to follow Christ have bad things happen to them. How can a God that proclaims to be the God of love allow bad things to happen.

To be frank, sometimes God just doesn’t make sense.

This weekend a good friend of mine, Mallory Jones, was killed in a boating accident in South Carolina. Mallory was a wonderful and compassionate woman that loved the Lord and sought to follow him. She was planning on working in Children’s ministry when she was finished with school. Her senior year of college was just starting up. A whole life of dreams and aspirations lay ahead. In times like these God just doesn’t seem to make sense.

I am sure as the family stands at the funeral home tonight they will hear things like:

“She’s in a better place.”

“God works all things for good.”

Those things are certainly true, but her family and friends aren’t there yet. Jesus, who knew full well what was about to happen to him wondered aloud as he hung on the cross where God was. The Message puts it this way:”Around mid-afternoon Jesus groaned out of the depths, crying loudly, ‘Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?’ which means, ‘My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?’”

The Jones’ aren’t feeling like God is making this for good. They don’t feel like Mallory is in a better place. They probably feel like Mallory should be worried about her grades, fighting with her parents about her cell phone bill, and wondering what it will be like to be out in the “real world” after she graduates. They are crying out from their depths, “This isn’t fair. It shouldn’t be like this. This doesn’t make sense. God….WHERE ARE YOU?”

The most senseless thing of all is that God was there at the lake on Saturday afternoon. The truth is we will never know why Mallory died. I will certainly want to ask God someday, “Why couldn’t you have killed a rapist or murderer instead.” I will ask the question knowing full well that his way is the best way, even if we don’t understand it.

If I asked you if you knew the Hymn, “It is Well with my Soul” am I sure that you could all sing along, some of you could even sing the harmony part on the Chorus. Many of you might not know the story behind the song:

Horatio Spafford was an attorney in Chicago in the mid 1800′s. He was very successful and well known. Life was good for the Spafford family, until Mr. Spafford and his Wife became modern day Job’s. Spafford’s only son died from scarlett fever as a toddler and all of his real estate holdings were burned to the ground in the great Chicago Fire.

So with a heavy heart he decided to take the family and head to England to rest and get their bearings back. As they arrived in New York to board the boat that would carry them to England he was summoned back to Chicago for an urgent business matter. He told his family not to delay their journey and they went on ahead.

During the voyage, the ship carrying his family collided with another ship and the boat sank. His wife sent a telegram saying, “Saved alone.” All four of his daughters were drowned in the sea.

He immediately boarded a boat to join his wife in England. As the boat neared the spot where his daughters perished, the captain called for Mr. Spafford and informed him that they were passing the spot of the fatal accident. Mr. Spafford retired to his room and wrote the words that are still sung today.

When peace like a river attendeth my way,When sorrows like sea-billows
roll, Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to know,”It is well, it is
well with my soul.”

Though Satan should buffet, though trials
should come, Let this blest assurance control,That Christ hath regarded my
helpless estate,And hath shed his own blood for my soul.

My sin – oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!My sin – not in part but
the whole,Is nailed to His cross and I bear it no more;Praise the Lord, praise
the Lord, oh, my soul.

And, Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,The clouds be rolled
back as a scroll,The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend-Even so -
it is well with my soul.

The challenge for us is not to figure out the why. The challenge is not to try and make sense out of the tragedy.

The challenge, my friends, is to remain faithful. “Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say, it is well, it is well, with my soul.”

The challenge is to remember that God knew your pain and anguish long before you were born. “Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, let this blessed assurance control, that Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and hath shed His own blood for my soul.”

Sometimes God doesn’t make sense, but it isn’t our job to figure him out. Our job is to trust that he is in control and that no matter what happens he loves us.

Yesterday, Ken Lay died. This shouldn’t be a shocker to anyone. It was all over the news all day and I haven’t seen the Wall Street Journal yet today, but I am sure that there will be heavy coverage of this story. If there are some people that just have been living under a rock for the last 5 years, here is a little review:

Ken Lay founded a company called Enron about 30 years ago down in Houston, TX. Fastforward to 2001. The company that Ken Lay started files for Chapter 11 on my Birthday, December 2. The rest of the story is that illegal accounting made it appear as if Enron was earning money. The truth is that Enron along with their accountants, Arthur Andersen, overstated their earnings by $567 Million.

Ken Lay was recently found guilty in the criminal trial of consipiracy to commit securities and wire fraud.

Let’s examine the life of Ken Lay from a non-business viewpoint. Ken Lay seemed to have the life we all want so desperately to have. Huge house, successful business, vacation homes, etc. He even owned a part of an NFL team. His company’s name was splashed on stadiums and billboards all over the place. At some point his life became skewed. I don’t know if it was the money, the lifestyle, or the people around him making him feel like he was a god. Somewhere along the way Ken Lay got lost.

In the space of about 2 months the facade that was the life of Ken Lay came crashing down and we all saw what kind of damage was done. 4,000 people lost their jobs. Hundreds of people lost everydime that was in their pension due to the collapse of the value of Enron’s stock. One of the vice-president’s committed suicide. One of the “Big 5″ accounting firms went completely under. A new legislation called Sarbanes-Oxley Act was passed which costs companies hundreds of millions of dollars a year.

This is an example of the ripple effect. All of the decisions that we make in our lives cause a ripple effect.

I think that the effect starts within ourselves. I know in my own life when I am making bad decisions, I develop an uneasiness about life. I am a little jittery and I feel like my life is spinning faster than I can keep up with it. When I choose to deal with those issues and change my behavior the ripple effect stops before it affects others.

Obviously Ken Lay could have reversed course. He could have stopped the ripple effect. He chose not to do anything. Their are people that would say that he didn’t chose anything because he just didn’t act. In Gary Smalley’s book, “The DNA of Relationships”, he says that not doing anything is still a choice. His choice ruined lives across the United States of America.

Ken Lay is not solely responsible for his actions. Accountants, Lawyers, other high ranking officers at Enron are all to blame for what happened. Ken Lay however was the leader, he started the company. The Buck, as Harry Truman (not Roosevelt, thanks Dad!) used to say, stops with him. He was ultimately responsible for the actions of his subordinates. He chose to stand by and watch the illegal activity go on underneath his nose.

It seems interesting to me how the ripple effect works. The higher on the totem pole a person is the bigger the waves when they start the ripple effect. This principle is not a new one. To paraphrase Luke 12:48, “To whom much is given, much is expected.” Jesus told us about the ripple effect in the Bible. Here he specifically references the principle of higher authority, bigger waves.

Jesus is calling us to take responsibility for our actions. Whether we are garbage men or industry titans, we alone are responsible to minimize the negative ripple effects in our lives.

I sincerely hope that Ken Lay was remorseful for his actions. I hope that he asked God to forgive him and that he asked the people that he hurt to forgive him as well. Its funny how the ripple effect doesn’t just go away when we apologize. People are still hurt, still afraid, and may carry the scars for the rest of thier lives.

But an apology does something very, very important. It stops the waves. When the tsunami hit Aisa a couple of years ago the destruction was unbelievable. We saw the pictures of presidents and former presidents walking through the rubble. The only reason they were there was because the waves stopped. While the waves were crashing into the homes, hotels, and businesses no one could help. People were panic stricken because the fire, police, and emergency workers could not get in to help them. Once the waves receeded the help arrived en masse.

It is the same in our lives. When the ripple effect begins a simple apology will stop the waves. Healing can begin when an apology is given. Just as with the tsunami, the damage is done. Feelings are hurt, people are confused. There are tears and mistrust. After the apology you are able to begin to put back together the broken pieces of your relationships with other people. You can begin to live life anew. You ask for forgiveness, explain why you were wrong, and the work at the healing.

It is not a short process. Sometimes the ripples we cause when we are careless are huge and it takes more than one conversation to clear things up. Sometimes the people we have wronged cannot forgive us. No matter the outcome whoever causes the ripple is charged with stopping the waves.

In our ever changing world we have more ways than ever before to communicate: eMail, telephone, cellphone, text messaging, IM, snail-mail, UPS and FedEx, Teleconferencing, Video Phone, Facebook Walls, Myspace Comments, and yes even good old face to face conversations.

But how good are we at really communicating? How many times do we talk to each other without really communicating? Why can’t we just tell each other what we really feel?

For instance:

Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

One evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Roger, do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence.

She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward…I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: …so that means it was…let’s see…February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means …lemme check the odometer …Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here…

And Elaine is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it 0n his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed — even before I sensed it — that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90-day warranty. That’s exactly what they’re gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty I’ll give them a warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their….

“Roger,” Elaine says aloud.

“What?” asks Roger, startled.

“Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. “Maybe I should never have…Oh God, I feel so…..” (She breaks down, sobbing.)

“What?” says Roger, totally perplexed.

“I’m such a fool,” Elaine sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”

“There’s no horse?” says Roger.

“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Elaine says.

“No!” says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

“It’s just that …It’s that I …I need some time,” Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.) “Yes,” he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) “Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?” she says.

“What way?” says Roger.

“That way about time,” says Elaine.

“Oh,” says Roger. Still hoping he’s on the right track he responds, “Yes.”

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

“Thank you, Roger,” Elaine says.

“Thank you,” says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it. (This is also Roger’s policy regarding world hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine’s, will pause just before serving, frown, and ask: “Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?”

___________________________________________________________________

And we laugh because its funny and we know that we have had similar experiences in our own lives. I got a good chuckle out of it the first time I read it as well. Then the more I thought about it the more I was concerned for Roger and Elaine because they represent us. Those of us out in the dating world today.

I am not here to say that Roger or Elaine is more at fault in this situation. I am here to say that there are things we can learn from them.

Ladies:

I know that you do exactly what Elaine did in the story. You let your emotions take control of your imagination and all of a sudden you have completely convinced yourself that you are in a dead end relationship with a guy that you like and he likes you but of course it will never work. That is silly! Just talk to your boyfriend. Tell him when you feel insecure, tell him when you are worried, tell him that you really need him to listen for a few minutes. I can assure you, any guy worth his salt WANTS you to pour your fears and insecurities out to him.

Guys:

LISTEN when your girlfriend talks to you. If you don’t understand something…ASK her to explain it to you again. Repeat this as many times as it is necessary for you to answer with an honest answer instead of guessing at what she wants to hear. Don’t tune her out. Tell her how you are feeling. Don’t just keep it inside. From what the ladies tell me that is all they really want is to know what is going
on in our heads and in our hearts.

The challenge I have for you all is this:

Start practicing this with your friends. Since most of us refuse to date each other for some strange and uncomprehensible reason…let’s start treating our friends like we would like to treat a boyfriend or girlfriend. Really communicate with each other. Take a little initiative and tell someone that you are confused by what they said. Tell someone that you are glad they are your friend. Ask someone what they think about a decision you have made. Real friends will want to communicate with you on a deep level. And who knows…maybe you will end up falling in love??

To My Parents:

Thank you for making me take my Air Jordan’s back to the store after I got them. I remember how much I wanted those shoes and that Grandpa Lee bought me those shoes and they cost $100. You guys made me take them back because they were too expensive. The older I get the more I realize it wasn’t so much that you were worried that Grandpa couldn’t afford them but that you wanted me to know the value of a dollar.

Thank you for mayonnaise sandwich, cheese, and a hot dog. When my friends and I discuss growing up we always get a good laugh out of my traditional Saturday afternoon lunch. I don’t remember if I ate that meal every Saturday afternoon, but I know I must have ate it a lot because the only other thing I remember eating was Pizza from the grocery store. I remember mom calling Clayton and I onto the porch and asking us what we wanted for lunch and I would yell at the top of my lungs what sounded like one word: MAYONNAISESANDWICHCHEESEANDAHOTDOG!

Thank you for Report Card treats. I don’t know if I ever thanked you for giving me a treat for a good report card or not. I want you to know that looking back, it means more now than it did then. Some people might say that you bribed me and Clayton to get good grades or to do well. I know that you were not bribing us, you were simply telling us that you were proud that we persevered and completed the task. You were proud!

Thank you for caring more about our conduct than our test scores. I remember Mom being more excited when a teacher told her that I was “A joy to teach” than she was if I got straight A’s on my report card. Back then I didn’t understand what the big deal was. Now I know what she knew all along: Your reputation says more about you than your performance.

Thank you for dropping everything if we have unresolved issues. I guess I thought that you all had some need to talk about everything immediately because a great bulk of your job is related to counseling. Now I know that what you were doing was teaching me and Clayton that family comes first and that before we could do anything else we needed to get our issues resolved.

Thank you for long car rides. Some of the snapshot memories of my early childhood are from singing and riding and listening in the car. I can’t remember all the songs we sang, but I know we would sing “On the Road Again”. Every time I hear that song I remember singing it as we drove. I remember when I was in college and we listened to the Veggie Tales as a family and we laughed for hours at songs that were meant for 4 year olds. I remember pulling into Chattanooga and hearing dad say, “Peel your eyes!” The wonderful sound of a gravel driveway. I remember the sounds of being the last to arrive at the Abington’s and the Noise associated with 20 family members all trying to carry your luggage in at the same time. I remember reading book, after book, after book. Sometimes staying in the car instead of eating because I couldn’t put it down even for 20 minutes.

Thank you for time. I know that you all could have done more things with your friends, but you always gave your extra time to me and Clayton. Whether it was a school awards ceremony, soccer practice, marching band, tennis, golf, church trip, or field trip you were always there. Mom was always the voice that cut through the din of the crowd cheering us on. Yes, even when she had no idea what she was supposed to be yelling. Thank you for washing our socks that we used as flags for back yard football.

Thank you for making me wear pants to church on Sunday night. I remember as a kid HATING that all my friends could wear shorts to church, but we had to wear jeans or khakis. I know that you were teaching us not that you couldn’t wear shorts to church, but that church was a special place. It was different from the other places that we would go in our lives. I am forever grateful that to this day when I enter a place of worship I am reminded that it is a special and holy place.

Thank you for not letting me have a TV in my room. I thought we couldn’t afford to have extra TV’s, but I know now that you wanted us to be a family. Part of that for us was watching TV together. Whether it was Jeopardy contests, Law & Order, or College Basketball when we watched TV we did it together and we always had a great time. (Even when mom was asleep.)

Thank you for making me go to museums, national monuments, and various other cultural locations. Sometimes I thought I was too old to go to the Civil War battlefield, or Dinosaur exhibit. I was too cool to enjoy the Aquarium or to see the White House. You knew that my natural curiosity of the world around me would overshadow my desire to be cool and I would learn, learn, learn. The facts and figures and history have stayed with me to this day.

Thank you for making a big fuss. I would be embarrassed at how over the top you guys would be for my birthday, graduation, first date, prom, first day of college, moving to Atlanta, etc. Deep down I am so very grateful that you love me like that. You have always made me into a big deal. With balloons and hundreds of pictures and confetti and streamers and surprise parties. I know that you guys do all that because you want me to know how special I am to you.

Thank you for Mi Casita. You have made a little Mexican restaurant on Raeford Road a place that helped make me who I am today. We have laughed, cried, had arguments, surprise parties, going away parties, and I even had my first date at Mi Casita. It is the first place I want to go when I get into Fayetteville and it is the food I want when I get homesick. Most people miss their mom’s home cooking…but I miss telling my mom and dad about my life in a little booth in the best Mexican restaurant in the country.

Of all the things I am thankful for I am most thankful that you showed me Jesus. Your love for Christ flows out from the very core of who you guys are. Everything that I have mentioned in this letter happened because you let Christ be the center of your lives. The funny thing is that many of the things that I so fondly remember are things that I didn’t want to do, or things you wouldn’t let me do. It is no surprise that your willingness to follow Christ and do what you thought was the right thing has had such success. I know that seeing me get angry, mad, upset, and sad was not fun or what you wanted, but you were willing to do that because you loved me. I can only think that is the same love that Christ has for us.

Many parents tried to be friends with their children. They wanted their kids to like them instead of punish them or hold their feet to the fire. Just as Jesus spoke the truth and was willing to risk being friends with everyone, you were willing to risk it all for Clayton and me. You held our feet to the fire, you made us take responsibility for our actions and you taught us that Jesus Christ should be the focal point of our lives.

There is no amount of money that I could put into a card, no beach house big enough, no car nice enough to repay you for all that you have done in the last 25 1/2 years for me. The only way that I can think to repay you is to take what you did for me and do that very thing for my children. So that when they are 25 years old and they hear someone talk about how great their parents are…they can think the same thing I do:

“If they only knew how great it is to eat a mayonnaise sandwich, cheese, and a hot dog, they wouldn’t think they had the best parents.”

Happy Mother’s Day and Father’s Day to the best parents in the world.