austinklee

Life has a funny way of dumping on you all at once. Kind of like a practical joke where the water bucket is on the doorframe. It doesn’t just trickle down, it really hammers you. Maybe that is just God’s way of getting your attention. Either way last week was like that for me.

I took May 12-21 off from work and left Atlanta around 8pm on May 11th to head up to NC. My first stop was the funeral of a friends mother. It was interesting to attend the funeral and put into perspective just how much I loved my own mother and couldn’t imagine what my life would be like without her. Suddenly buying her a $2.50 greeting card with a funny note didn’t seem like an appropriate Mother’s Day present. What do you get for someone that has loved you just for being you since she knew you would be born? It was a sad ending.

I continued the next day to stay with a newly married couple. The bride, Laura, was my best friend in grad school and I introduced her and her new husband, Jason. (I met him at church.) Laura was at home visiting her mother for the weekend and Jason was busy finishing up his last little bit of graduate school work on his thesis. We went to Home Depot, bought a grill, and used it to grill some steaks together. I couldn’t help but note the irony that these two were just beginning their life together and David’s dad was greiving the loss of his wife. A wonderful exciting beginning.

My brother graduated from College on Monday and as I sat with my Dad watching him walk across the stage, I couldn’t help but wonder what Dad must be thinking. I know he is proud of us, but does he still worry about us. Does he know how great we think he is? This was an ending of one sort and a beginning at the same time.

Pressing onward, I went down to Fayetteville to eat lunch with my parents at my favorite restaurant. After lunch I had ice cream with an old friend. I have known her for about 18 years. We had a thing for a while…I guess you could say we were victims of circumstance. I moved to Atlanta and we continued to see each other on breaks from work and school, but it was an arrangement that was doomed to fail as we each knew we couldn’t really be together and be so far apart. So last year sometime we agreed that we would see other people and it was fine, but seeing her again this week stirred somethings inside of me that I thought had died many months ago. So we talked about it and I finally got the peace that I thought I had all along. Another ending.

I went to the wedding of one of my closest friends from college and got to bear witness to a glorious beginning of a new marriage. We all made new friends and collected phone numbers and email addresses. It was a very happy and very wonderful beginning.

Something happened to me last week. All the endings and beginnings got to me. As is the case when God is slapping you in the face he wants you to really take a look at yourself and make some decisions. I want my life to mean something. Not that it is meaningless now, but I want people to look at my life and see what it means to really live.

For the first time in a long time I allowed myself the luxury of really letting go and just being myself. So many times I get trapped into listening to what everyone else tells me I need to be. You need to not be so nice, you need to be a little more aloof, you shouldn’t act like you like a girl or they won’t like you, you should go on this mission trip, why can’t you go with us to the ball game, I think you need to work less or work more.

It is the cacophony of selfishness. What I was hit with last week was a big slap in the face from God saying, “Austin, I made you just the way you are and I LOVE IT!” Just like my parents love it. Last week I really learned to love myself. With all the endings and beginnings it finally clicked that all I really need to do to be happy is to be ME!! I am cheesy, silly, funny, smart, a little competitive, a little cocky, nice to people, giving, sharing, and laid back.

I guess my mom was right all along: “Remember who you are, you are a Lee. Just be yourself.”

I was blessed (or cursed as some may see it) with a mind that never quits turning and working and thinking. If I am awake, then I am thinking and pondering something.

One of the things that I am fairly passionate about is my belief that everyone should strive to keep moving forward, keep learning, and continue to grow. I am sure that many of you remember high school yearbooks and the messages left in the pages from your friends. There was the jokester who would sign along the spine, “First to sign your crack!” There were the friends that had reserved pages in your book, maybe a high school sweetheart or best friend.

The one signature that I, even as a high school student, didn’t want to have in my book was, “Don’t ever change” or “Stay the way you are, and you’ll go far”.

You see even as a teenager I was acutely aware that staying the same wasn’t going to benefit me at all. Not only did my parents teach me to always continue to learn and grow; the Bible was pretty clear that growing was a part of the walk of a committed Christian.

As I look back on my life I am reminded of one of the lyrics to a song by Caedmon’s Call, “Looking back at the road so far, the journey has left its share of scars, mostly from weaving the narrow and straight.” That so rightly depicts what a Christian’s life is supposed to be: a journey.

I don’t know about you but I haven’t taken many journeys by staying in one spot. I feel that the people that wrote in my yearbook that they wished I would stay the same had some fear. Not that as a 16 year old kid you would be able to verbalize the feelings inside, but the fear is there.

The fear is that things unexpected are coming and if you could keep some of the things in life from changing it wouldn’t be so bad. If your friends would just be the same as they always were then the things coming at you wouldn’t hurt as much. To me, this is a reactive look at life.

I feel as if we are challenged by God to be proactive and take an offensive position with our lives. I look back at the kid I was when I was in high school and am so glad that I am not the same person I was back then. I always encouraged people, even back then to learn new things and change. Get out there and do something!

If I could speak at my high school reunion in 3 years I would tell my former classmates that I am proud of who I am and I am glad that I have changed. Many of the people I went to school with will probably not want to come because they have not “made anything of themselves”. To those people I would say, it is not too late! You have the power to choose what the next 10 years of your life will be like.

I want everyone that I am in relationship with to know that I am cheering you on as you learn and grow. If you have questions, if you want to talk, if you want to bounce ideas off of me…I am here for you. I don’t pretend to have it all figured out. I just know what a difference I have noticed in my life because I have chosen to really live.

And that brings me right back to the beginning of this post. There are TONS of ideas in my head right now. I have realized in the last several months that the world is a BIG, BIG place. The possibilities are endless when it comes to career, family, and service. Where can I fit in to all that and follow the direction for my life that God has for me? Maybe I could learn a language? Maybe I can get serious about my music and go to some auditions? Maybe I can get promoted in my job and minister to my co-workers in that way?

It is all there for me to reach out and grab. I just have to take it. The wheels in my head are turning and the ideas keep coming.

I heard a story from a friend yesterday about lying, cheating, and stealing. This was a true story of a relationship gone bad. Really bad.

In Reader’s Digest Version here’s what happened (names changed):

Timmy had been dating Sally for about 2 years. At work he had a good friend named Jane. He and Jane had always had a flirtatious relationship…but it was all in good fun. One night Timmy and Jane went from flirting to making out. Timmy and Sally broke up and Timmy told Jane that he wanted to be with her. Jane had done some soul searching after their make out session and decided that she had not made the right choice that night. Timmy then tries to get back together with Sally. Sally says no and now Timmy is mad at Jane for “ruining his life.” Jane calls me and tells me this story and feels responsible for the whole thing.

What a shocking story! I didn’t know quite where to begin with Jane. I had to dish out some of my famous tough love. I told her that she did have a part in what happened and that she did make a choice to engage in the deception. But that she was not the only person that needed to take on some of the blame.

The old maxim: “Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.” Takes on a whole new meaning. It is amazing to me how simple flirting can get quickly out of hand and now three people are hurt.

I am not trying to say that flirting is wrong. By all means I am a HUGE flirt…and I love being flirted with. I am saying this…flirting always leads somewhere. PERIOD.

You can argue with me and tell me I am wrong, but I am sticking to my guns on this one. In this case we learn that flirting with people while in a committed relationship can really cause problems in the relationship and with friendships.

On the other side, flirting without intention also causes problems. Guy flirts with girl or girl flirts with guy and means nothing. The other person could mistake your flirting for romantic interest and will be very hurt when the truth is discovered.

So keep flirting, but flirt with caution. People’s hearts are at stake. I wouldn’t want to be responsible for damaging the heart of a great girl because I like to flirt.

Have you ever noticed that there are a lot of people out there that think they know what the best thing for you is?

From advertisers to the trend setters in your own group; it just seems as if everyone thinks they know what you need or want. And I must confess…I listen and I follow their advice. Sometimes these things turn out to be great and other times it leaves a lot to be desired. Most of these decisions are trivial: clothes, cars, style, mannerisms, sayings, jokes, etc. But sometimes I even allow popular opinion to sway bigger decisions about how I live my life.

I have been reading the book of Joshua this week during my daily God conversation time and I have to tell you that it has been quite convicting.

The book of Joshua tells the story of the Israelites after they are led through the desert and across the Jordan River into the promised land. It is a captivating story of amazing acts of faithfulness on the part of God and also on the part of Joshua.

Most poignant is how steadfastly Joshua looks to God to tell him what the next move or the best move might be. Immediately after the death of Moses, God speaks to Joshua and tells him what the next move is. At the end of that conversation God tells Joshua something that Joshua really takes to heart. Here is how is sounds in “The Message”:

“Haven’t I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. GOD, your God, is with you every step you take.”-Joshua 1:9

Then as the rest of the story of the taking of the Promised Land is played out, Joshua remembers this statement and looks to God to get his cues.

There are two great truths to be learned from this story.

The first is from Joshua: God spoke, he listened and obeyed.

You have all heard the saying, “You can’t build a house without a foundation.” And while devilishly true this statement also applies to seeing God’s cues for your own life. You see God doesn’t speak to us anymore in an audible voice. (Wouldn’t that be nice!) So we must study his word, not to get specific advice, but to learn his heart and his mind.

This is the foundation or lens that is needed to listen when your friends, family, pastors, small group leaders, or significant others give you advice. If their advice is contrary to what you know God’s heart and mind to be, RUN! If on the other hand it makes sense with what you know about God, then you have your issue resolved. The key is that Joshua KNEW God’s heart and he knew that God would not steer him wrong.

The Second Truth Comes from God: What he says, he does.

Throughout the book of Joshua, God tells the people of Israel to do something and tells them what will happen when they do it and it happens just as he said it would. This is how we can begin to know the heart of God. Recognizing his consistency seems to be the key that unlocks the door of faithfulness.

These people like Joshua in the Bible realized that God is sufficient and that he will provide and they didn’t need to worry. Then they lived their lives as a testament to that principle.

I want to live like that. I want to be like Joshua.

I don’t want to worry if people will like me because I work for this company or that company. I just want to work at the place where God shows me I can make the biggest difference.

I don’t want to trust that God will keep me healthy but not trust that he will provide me a mate. I want to wake up each day and place my trust in a God that says, “Austin, your God is with you every step of the way!”

Because if there is one thing that I believe with all my heart it is this: The God I serve loved me enough that he sacrificed his son to save my soul.

Why would I look anywhere else for The Best Things…

I don’t think I am the only person that has ever wished their life worked more like a TV drama. You see, on TV everything ends up tied in a nice bow. No matter the outcome good or bad the scenario has finality, closure, and resolution. The object of someone’s affection lives or dies, stays or leaves, lies or comes clean.

Real life is different. Sometimes we don’t get closure. Sometimes we are left hanging.

I don’t know, maybe I am naieve. Whatever happened to honesty? Why can’t we just tell each other our feelings?

If I am interested in a girl why can’t I tell her? Why must I pretend like I am not interested so she will be interested? Why is it such a bad thing to be a nice guy?

I recently started spending time with a girl. We talked on the phone quite a bit and she even accompanied me to a few group outings. Everyone (let me repeat…EVERYONE) was under the impression that she was giving me the “I like you” signals. So I proceed to act on this assumption and I got the Friend-Bomb. (This is how girls tell you without telling you that they aren’t into you. They just keep mentioning being your friend. I coined the term Atomic Friend-Bomb which means a reference to how much they cherish your friendship.)

Getting the friend bomb wasn’t a bad thing…I would have preferred for her to just tell me she wasn’t interested in me in that way…but I take what I can get. The bad part is what happened next…

So I tell the girl that I am a little embarassed that I misread her intentions. (Along with about 15 other people.) And her response is classic, “Who knows what may happen in the future?”

What am I supposed to do with that? Does she really want me to just sit around waiting? If this was a TV show…I would wait because in the end I would get the girl and life would be sweet. This is real life! Am I supposed to wait around for some mysterious future date where she magically falls head over heels for me?

I refuse to wait around. Am I going to cut her out of my life? NO! That would be wrong…truth is I really like being her friend, too! And that was the basis of my romantic interest in her. I mean I always thought that was the way it was supposed to work. I mean…all of the long and successful marriages that I have seen have two things in common: A love for Christ and both members of the couple describe the other as their best friend.

She should have been flattered that I cherished our friendship enough to want to persue a romantic relationship with her. But it seems that girls today think that friends cannot be husbands.

So I (and all guys like me) are hangin’ by a thread.

Have you ever had an instance where your past, present, and future have collided in one instant? I just received a friend request on the Facebook from a guy that went to school with me in college. As per normal after accepting a new friend I check out their friends that live here in Atlanta that I might know. Kind of like the 6-Degrees of Austin Lee.

When I clicked on him the collision was instant and pointed. His only other friend in Atlanta was someone that I know very, very well. Her name is Sharon and she was my first true love. We met the day before classes started in the registration line and were almost inseperable for our freshman year of college. As noted earlier in my blog about the cold weather she was the cold weather heartbreak.

The reason this is such a collision for me is because she and I went our seperate ways after freshman year. Then reconnected during my senior year in a marketing class where we became friends again. After graduation she got married to Brent and they moved to Florida. I had heard a rumor that they were moving again but didn’t know where. They are here in Atlanta and apparently they just had their first child. I am happy for them but at the same time the collision begins.

My past meeting my present here in Atlanta. This isn’t a bad collision, just unexpected and interesting. Her husband and I never really saw eye to eye in college. Its not that we hated each other or anything, its just that we were members of rival fraternities and I was the ex-boyfriend. I hold no ill-will toward Brent and now that we are real adults I hope that if we see each other we can actually become friends. Apparently he is a really nice guy.

We were all kids back then. We had no idea what it really meant to have a job and be an adult. The things that drove us to dislike each other were actually pretty petty things. So, if you know Brent and you see him…tell him I am sorry for all that was said and done back in college.

As for the Future collision…I have come to see that many of my friends from college are having a family and settling down. And I have collided with the fact that I am no where close to that. I have no girlfriend and no prospects at this point. I am not sad, or mad, or worried about this, it is just that today I was confronted with the fact that I do want a family one day. Any tips?

Why is it that everyone seems to know exactly what to do when you go out on a first date, but has not a clue about the next steps?

I am not talking about the people actually on the date. No one going on a date really knows what to do or say…even if they have given other people advice about the subject. It is as if once on a date, the brain shuts down.

I am talking about friends. When taking an informal poll lately of what to do on a first date, everyone had pretty much the same answer. Be yourself, don’t go to a movie, don’t talk about politics…etc. Yet when polling the same people about what to do next…they had wildly different answers…call her tonight, don’t call until 3 days have passed, let her call you, keep yourself mysterious, be upfront with her…and on the list goes.

So what are the next steps? I have no idea myself. I guess everyone knows what to do on a first date, but after that is when people have to be themselves and therefore that is when the “real” first date begins!

You know how sometimes your experiences come rushing back to you in a moments notice by a familar smell, feeling, or sound? Kind of like when I smell my Grandfather’s aftershave or the laundry detergent my mom used when I was a kid. I would have to say my greatest feeling of all is cold weather. I don’t mean a little chilly I mean less than 30 degrees….COLD!!

I went to college at Mars Hill College in the mountains of North Carolina. (If you are wondering where that might be, it is about 20 miles north of Asheville, NC.) I have so many fond memories of “The Hill” but none more so that my memories of the things that happened when it was cold. I was initiated into my fraternity on a cold November night in 1999, I lost my first love on a cold January night in 2000, I spent many cold nights walking across campus alone talking to God and feeling so small and insignificant, I got stuck with friends on a backwoods country road in the snow trying to find a fraternity brother who was stranded on the interstate, I sat alone on the curb in the snow wondering why I couldn’t just be someone else or something else, I wrestled with my place in the world on many, many cold nights, I broke off my engagement on a cold February night in 2002, it was a cold night in 2004 when I thought I might never measure up.

You see for me the cold was a time of reflection. It has always been a time where everything seemed in sharp resolution. It is easy to focus, easy to learn, and easy to see my own mistakes.

It was in the cold on New Year’s Eve in New York City, in the middle of 1,000,000 people that I began to believe for the first time that I do have something to offer and I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I believed for the first time that I am a good man and that a girl will be lucky to have me. I realized that my mom isn’t just saying she is proud of me because she has to, she really means it. I have spent most of my 25 years of life trying to prove to everyone that I am good enough, cool enough, smart enough, talented enough. When I was already enough. God made me enough. I wish I would have learned that a little sooner.

So bring on the cold! If the cold has been this good to me in the past, I can’t wait to see what great things will happen next.

I created this blog back in June and now five months later I have decided to begin writing in it. I have tried to resist becoming a blogger because people might actually read and enjoy it and I will feel oblligated to update it so they will have new things to read.

So here are the ground rules for the people that want to read my blog:

• No guarantee of a daily post-I cannot promise that I will have time or will have something great to talk about every single day. So I will post when I have a chance.
• Comments-Please send your comments, that might be the only way that I know you are even reading my blog.
• Laugh, Cry, and Learn-My blog is meant to cover a wide range of emotions. So feel free to give me a call if you need to talk about any of the topics covered in my blog. I feel responsible for any emotions that you discover while reading and I promise I will talk with you about anything that might come up. (As long as you are not a crazy blog stalker person.)

Those are the rules. Pretty simple.

-Austin