Sunday Conversations
As most of you probably know my Dad is a minister in North Carolina. When I was growing up my Dad and Mom would always have a discussion with me and my brother during lunch on Sunday about our Sunday School lesson and/or the sermon that my Dad just preached. It was a great way for my brother and I to reconnect with the things that we learned at church. I noticed that at Buckhead Church they provide similar tools for parents and their children with KidStuf, in the form of a “to-go” box of activities parents can do with their kids during the week.
While I was sitting in Church this morning listening to Andy’s sermon I started thinking about how I, as an adult, could somehow make a connection later this week with the stuff Andy was talking about on Sunday morning. I began to jot down some questions that I was going to go through with Courtney this week to help us reconnect with what we heard this morning. As I began to jot down these questions (which I think are pretty good and thought provoking) I wondered if others might like a semi-formalized way to reconnect this week.
So here’s how it works. I will post some thoughts and questions about the message here on the blog. At some point during the week you sit down and take 10-15 minutes to work through the questions. (I recommend doing this with a partner. Your husband/wife, fiance, boyfriend/girlfriend, roommate, accountability partner, friend, etc.) The point is to talk through these questions with someone else. (Even on the phone.) I don’t need or want a report on your answers. (Except the first week…I do kind of want to know if you like the questions, idea, etc.). I just think this would be a great way for us as adults to have the lessons we learn on Sundays firmly planted in our hearts and minds. Please feel free to forward on to anyone that might like this. Without further ado…
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One of the things that I have always been taught is that feelings are not bad. Its what you do with those feelings that is either bad or good.
Question 1: Do you agree that feelings are not bad? Were you ever taught to suppress feelings when you were growing up?
Another great thought line from today’s sermon was the idea that anger can be a sort of “mask” for the underlying or “root” emotion. Andy made a good point that men have a hard time getting to the root emotion without trying really hard.
However, sometimes, girls know what they are really feeling but mask it on purpose:
Question 2: Women: Why do you sometimes choose to avoid naming your root emotion?
Men: Why do we find it so hard to find our “root” emotion?
During the service I kept coming back to this thought: All of the emotions that we use as “masking” emotions are considered negative (Anger, Sadness, Indifference, Frustration). I know that sometimes people will try and use laughter and happiness to mask their emotions, but we all know they are not really happy. The reason for this is that we do not feel a need to hide our true feelings when we are happy.
Question 3: Why do you think that we mask our true emotions?
Sometimes I think that certain emotions cause us to mask more than others. Many children of divorced parents grow up with the fear of abandonment. This is often masked with indifference toward close relationships. I think for many of us we have one emotion that really gets us more than any other.
In my case I seek the approval of others. Whether its playing sports, music, public speaking, or just plain hanging out, if I do something wrong, mess up, or sense that the group thinks I am stupid I get very embarrassed. Now, I don’t tell everyone that I am embarrassed, I usually get frustrated with myself or appear angry. I am masking my worst emotion: embarrassment. The funny thing is that most of the time people don’t care half as much about what I actually did as they do about how silly I look when I try to mask my embarrassment.
Question 4: What is your emotion that you mask more than any other? What mask do you use?
Question 5: What can your partner do to help you in your search to know yourself better?
As you ponder these questions and reflect on Andy’s sermon, make the choice to really get to know your own emotions. Whomever you have chosen for these questions ask that they will help you. Pray that you will be able to really dig deep and learn your emotions. I firmly believe the primary goal for each partner in a relationship is to identify the root emotion and avoid masking or hiding them from your partner. This will enable better communication and a deeper intimacy in your relationship.
Have a great week!
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